


no step on snek

by KokoScripsit



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Puns, Deceit is drunk, Gen, Middle-of-the-night shenanigans, Minor Injuries, Slapstick, everyone is confused, this entire fic is a bad joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:37:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16108064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KokoScripsit/pseuds/KokoScripsit
Summary: It's the middle of the night and there's really no reason to expect anyone to belyingaround in the Mindscape...





	no step on snek

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to make my entrance to this fandom something worthwhile, but this is what I came up with, so... enjoy, I guess.

Virgil had only intended to get a late-night drink of water from the kitchen.

Normally, he planned on everything that possibly could go wrong, and some things that probably couldn't, in hopes of never being too badly surprised by a bad outcome of even such an innocuous action as this, even (maybe _especially_ ) when he had done it countless times before. Maybe he should have expected how it ended this time—after all, Thomas Sanders' mind was never a _boring_ place to live—but it had just never occurred to him that the living room rug might scream when he stepped on it in the dark. At the same moment as the scream from underfoot startled him, Virgil discovered exactly how shaky, soft, and precarious his footing was, and he too let out a frightened yell as he fell backwards with a resounding _CRASH._

Moments later, three sets of footsteps rattled down the stairs and light flooded the room. Virgil squinted against the sudden brightness to see Logan next to the lightswitch, Patton near the foot of the stairs, and Roman standing over him in a protective swordfighting stance. The other three Sides were clearly taking the opportunity to assess the situation as best they could.

Only a bare few seconds passed before Patton spoke: "So what happened here, kiddo?"

Virgil groaned. His head kind of ached, as did his elbows; as the brief rush of adrenaline began to fade, it started to dawn on him that he had hit the ground pretty hard. "I dunno," he admitted. "I was just coming down for a drink, and then I stepped on..." He did his best to shrug in spite of his strange position. "Something."

A vaguely unhappy-sounding noise, issuing from the direction he had fallen from, suggested to him that Something was not pleased to be so described. With an effort, Virgil pushed himself into a sitting position and almost immediately caught sight of...

"Deceit?"

The prone, black-and-yellow-clad figure in front of him slurred something that sounded like "New rug."

After trying to puzzle it out for himself for a moment, Virgil glanced around at his friends, who all looked just as nonplussed as he felt. Eventually, Roman put into words what they were all thinking.

"What was that?"

"'M on th' floor," Deceit clarified, his words a little more distinct but coming across as decidedly drunk. "Muss be... new rug. Half snekskin. Other half... alcohol."

"Does that mean we're _supposed_ to walk on you?" Patton wanted to know.

"Noooo!" the drunk snake cried urgently. "D'n tread on meeee!"

Roman lifted his sword, which had drooped to his side once he had determined that no immediate threats required fighting off, and prodded Deceit with it cautiously enough to avoid hurting him. "Do you suppose he's lying?"

"He's lying _on the floor,_ " Patton pointed out.

"Patton, that was terrible," Logan put in, "but since Deceit _is_ capable of honesty when it suits his purposes, I feel it most likely that this wish is sincerely expressed. After all, if he wished to be stepped on, he could have achieved that result by remaining silent or continuing to speak in character as the 'new rug,' but there is no more efficacious method to avoid such an experience while incapable of picking oneself up than to tell the truth."

"Whatever," Virgil said, getting to his feet. "I'm going to get the glass of water I came down here for." He rubbed his head, setting off towards the kitchen again. "With some painkillers."

The distinctive sound of Roman shrieking dramatically echoed from behind him, and he glanced back to see that Roman too had apparently stepped on Deceit and immediately lost his balance.

"...I'll get some for Princey, too."


End file.
